Monday, October 26, 2009

Memories will be lost, but reputations are birthed.

It’s a Friday night at the watering hole. Litres of alcohol have been consumed at a most boisterous pre-drinks party. Student specials give rise to an ever emptying wallet and blurred vision.

During what is commonly deemed the “epic jam” stage, the sexes mingle as the bar-tans appear. This phase is characterised by the male placing both hands on the wall whilst urinating for stabilisation, whilst females pack themselves into a single cubicle and furiously mock the flirtatious old man who resembles Gandalf.

Next, the male strategically places himself behind a female so that his presence is noted, but a clear sighting remains rare. The dance floor becomes a hot-bed of passion, but the battle for female beer-goggle dignity has only just commenced.

Like HIV/Aids, drunken debauchery affects all. However, the morning after regret of actually having kissed Gandalf only encompasses female students. When facebook photos reveal the true ugliness of the male, the ridicule women are subjected to festers in her mind and eats away at her self-image and confidence. Males have an ability to shun such comments, women do not.
Studies have shown that “the level of light in the pub...the drinker's own eyesight and the room's smokiness” are additional reasons for the beer-goggle phenomenon. Furthermore, the Pity Kiss, is an ever increasing trait that a female must subject herself to.

I believe the ‘desperate’ reputation that is attached to so many innocent females is a deluded attempt by some to compensate for their lack of sexual prowess. The modern male student is a hairy beast; a closer shave and less corny pick-up line may actually lead to a woman, not simply performing a chore, but indulging in an act that will carry no regrets.

As a female I believe it is my duty to fight for everyone’s beer-goggle dignity. As a student journalist, it is my responsibility to get this important and worthy cry for equality across and combat a sore misconception about the reality of beer-goggle hook-ups.

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